Welcome to ‘With Conviction,’ a new regular column by working mom Brooke McIntosh Crump.
I recently saw a blog being shared across my timeline entitled, “What if all I want for my kids is an ordinary life?” The blogger mentions that her son wants to score more points in his next basketball game than he did in his last, and apparently this disheartens the mother to the point where she must blog about it. She goes on to say that “your worth is not determined by how many baskets you score in today’s basketball game. It does not determine your value to the team, and it has NO bearing on your value as an individual. Your worth has nothing to do with a collection of A’s on a report card.” The blogger wants for her son to treasure each ordinary day – she’s not concerned with what college he gets into or the paycheck of his chosen career.
This blogger is not alone in her sentiments and I have read countless other posts of bloggers nostalgic for similar times. Marie Kondo, the famous “organizing consultant,” has taken the world by storm and women everywhere are cleaning out their closets and denouncing the need for “more stuff.” Other articles are being shared that discuss the harm in overstimulating and overscheduling our children. These posts encourage free play for children as opposed to organized sports. So, so many women my age have left the workforce to seek a slower pace of life. These sentiments seem far reaching and women everywhere seem to be insisting that an “ordinary” way of life is the superior way of life.
When did wanting to be extraordinary become a problem?
Dear #simplelifeisthebestlife blogger, what I say to you is this: The number of basketball goals your son scores at his seventh-grade basketball game most likely won’t determine the rest of his life, but his drive to succeed – evident in that game – will. Each “A” on your son’s report card will absolutely determine what college he gets into, and what college he gets into will largely affect his salary. You say you don’t care what his salary is? Will you still be saying that when he’s 30 years old and you’re paying his bills every month because you didn’t set him up for success when he was younger? Do you know what study after study says is the key determining factor in success? Grit … and it sounds like your son has it. If your son is willing to do the work in the seventh grade to reach his goals, he is more likely to work toward achieving his future goals, and you need to be encouraging that rather than trying to let the wind out of his sails. When did we stop wanting more for our children than we have for ourselves?
I see a great many posts being shared that deter folks from going to college; enter a trade, they say. Do we need tradesmen? Yes. But when did we stop encouraging individuals to seek higher education? Student loan debt – I get it, literally and figuratively. But do you know who has the ability to wish for a simple, ordinary life for their children? The privileged.
This nostalgia for simpler times is all wrapped in a big package of privilege. Who can afford to Marie Kondo the crap out of their houses? The privileged. Who can afford to quit their jobs? The privileged. Consumerism encouraged us to buy and therefore the privileged now have quite a lot of stuff. Do we need all of our stuff? Probably not. But is it hurting anyone? Probably not. Why must we suddenly hate the quest for more? We have become the antagonists to the American Dream with our privileged mindset. The American Dream is not guaranteed. It will not fall into our privileged children’s laps. Do you know what has historically set the wealthy and underprivileged children apart? Access to resources, stimulation and extracurriculars. What are the privileged now snubbing? The very same.
I was raised to believe in the American Dream. That meant that you worked hard and when life knocked you down, you pulled yourself up by your dang bootstraps. Is hard work guaranteed to make you successful? Definitely not. Is the American Dream more unachievable than ever? Absolutely. But when did we stop encouraging our kids to be extraordinary? If all we want for the next generation is peace and an appreciation for the ordinary, who is going to find the cure for cancer?
As a previous viewer of “The Bachelor,” I always enjoyed seeing all of the different careers held by the women on the show. When did the most viable Bachelorettes stop being dentists, doctors, CEOS and start being assistants and “influencers”? When did we start encouraging our kids to go to school to be the assistant as opposed to working their tails off to be the one in charge of the room? The #simplelifeisthebestlife wants her kid to know, “You don’t need to do earth-shattering things to make a difference in this world.” To my own, do you know what I say? Shatter all of it until you can’t shatter it anymore. Does that mean a child of mine is guaranteed to succeed? Of course not. But whatever happened to, “Shoot for the moon – even if you miss, you will land among the stars?” To end up in a good, ordinary life worth living, you pretty much have to work your tail off for that, too. Do you know what one quote I hung in my son’s nursery? “Whatever you do, be a good one.” And by God, I mean it.