Editor’s note: The author, Brooke McIntosh Crump, is a mom and a lawyer in Mt. Gilead.
Pre-corona, a lot of us liked to think we spent less time online than we really do. Now, we’re singing praises for all of the things we are able to do online while in quarantine. Ordering groceries? Check. Educating our kids? Check. Faculty meetings that could have been an email? Check.
From the minute our kids were pretty much born, the privileged began fretting over the American Pediatric guidelines on screen time. Some moms are able to escape the toddler years without having a 2-year-old knowing how to work the iPad better than they do, but some of us (me) have thanked our lucky stars for a device that would keep our kids entertained and occasionally mention the ABC’s. Now in the throes of quarantine, we’re more willing to admit that the internet is very much a part of our daily lives, whether we like it or not.
Along with worrying about the first world problem that is “too much screen time” for our kids, we also have to navigate parenting with teenagers on social media. Movies have been made about the dangers of online bullying, and many parents use apps and such to review their kids’ online activities. Although we can’t forget the serious issue of child predators, I think the irony of our online fears is that we are our own worst enemies when it comes to our social media fears. For those who “detox” from social media (myself included), our need to do so often stems from our reactions to the opinions of others. I will be the first to admit that I’ve wanted to spit nails over something stupid online. And the funny thing is, had I not read or seen that thing online, in a world outside of social media, I probably would never have known anything about the situation.
Recently I was spouting off to my sister about a comment made on social media, and she said, “It’s just Facebook.” And my sis knows I love her so I gotta say, I think she’s wrong. We expect our kids to act like they’ve got some sense on social media, but at the end of the day, we adults don’t do that at all. We will engage in arguments with people we’ve never met and share articles that could potentially offend our loved ones. I think the problem is that we all have an “it’s just Facebook” mentality. When we click out of the app with the attitude that social media is separate from our lives outside of social media, we are only teaching our kids that their online behavior doesn’t matter. How can we expect them to be good people online if we aren’t?
I recently made a salty comment online. It was a whole thing and I cannot say for certain at this time whether or not I regret doing so. But what I can say was that I was responding to another person’s behavior on social media and that frustration coupled with a decade of biting my tongue when it comes to that person, virtually and IRL, made me lose my cool. I really do believe that we should teach our kids that there is value in rising above. “When they go low we go high” are words that will forever stick with me. But at some point we must teach our kids to stick up for themselves by doing the same.
At the end of the day, we wouldn’t walk into a room and immediately announce our opinions on a current political event; at least without some niceties first. There once was a time when people believed you shouldn’t talk about money, politics or religion in social settings. That concept is pretty much no more, and I cannot say for certain whether or not I think that is a good or bad thing. Conversation is good. Access to information is even better. The internet is not a bad thing unless we let it be. Instead of teaching our kids to limit their online activity, perhaps we should be encouraging them to use it productively and to effectively monitor their reactions to the comments made by others. We do not have to engage with every opportunity for a virtual soapbox, and we could potentially spend numerous hours online and do some really amazing things. There can be many great benefits of social media, when used appropriately. But we must stop acting as if our words written online don’t matter. Like it or not, the internet happened. And we must all decide for ourselves whether we will use it for good or evil. We are all the captains of our own virtual ships.