Editor’s note: The author, lawyer Brooke McIntosh Crump, is “a mom with big dreams” in Mt. Gilead and writes bi-weekly for the Speckled Paw Times.

I have a friend. She’s thoughtful and kind. Her husband shares many of her admiring qualities. I have never met anyone who disliked my friend. So when I say that everyone isn’t going to like you, I realize there are exceptions to the rule.

I truly wish I was one of those exceptions. I have always been a people pleaser. I’m a yes girl. But at the end of the day, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I generally like the person that I am but I think a lot of women can relate when I say that I’ve spent a large portion of my 33 years doubting myself and worrying what others think of me.

But I’ve always had big dreams. At age 5 I chose a difficult career for myself. I’m embarrassed when my mom tells others about my childhood ambitions, but I think it’s safe to say that I have put myself out there, which comes at a cost. I’ve been thinking recently that we all just need to stop being so hard on each other and that haters are the problem. But at a meeting last night, someone stated that “you’ve got to be able to take the heat.” And that made me think. It’s not other people’s opinions that affect our lives, but our own perception of those opinions. So today, I’m working on having the courage to be disliked.

I have another friend. He’s thoughtful and kind. He’s tirelessly worked to do right by others. But he’s got a few haters. In my opinion, does he deserve that? Absolutely not. But he’s also not an exception to the rule that some people just aren’t going to like you. Is my friend okay with that? I think he is. As he states, “The best revenge is living well.”

My beloved editor refers to me as a “working mom.” But a “working mom” can mean a lot of different things. The title makes me feel like a “working girl” stripper and despite the stripper pole in my dining room, we all know that’s not my current profession. What I really am is a mom with big dreams and a big mouth with a desire to have a positive impact in my community. And I feel pretty sure that I’m not the only mom in our rural county who feels the same.

It’s okay to dream big for yourself and your children. It’s okay to want to make a difference in the lives of others, outside of raising our family. Someone once told me that we all have a calling, but only some of us are able to discover theirs. I also recently read that the first thing you lose on the way to the top is friends. But those people were never your friends anyway. Most of us moms are on social media and through that, most of us publicly share private details of our lives. For the most part, we do so in order to share our cherished memories with our loved ones, but we also don’t mind that acquaintances are able to indulge as well.

And I think that’s because most of us moms are putting ourselves out there for goals that we may have. Maybe your goal is to open up a gymnastics academy or a boutique, or maybe it’s to start a nonprofit or a Youtube channel. Maybe your goal is to be the best dang single mom this world has ever seen. Either way, someone is going to disapprove of the way we moms have chosen to live our lives and that’s where the courage to be disliked comes in.

Sometimes people choose to disconnect from social media when a hater comes a-knocking. Sometimes people change their course of action when another person disapproves. But when we look back on our lives, I think we’ll probably regret all the time we wasted worrying what others think of us.

Last night I was talking to another friend of mine and I told her how much I admired her ability to make a decision and commit. Once a decision is made, whether it’s a parenting decision or even booking a vacation, she’s all in and doesn’t look back. She didn’t tell anyone what name she picked out for her child before he was born because other people’s opinions were none of her concern. This, y’all, is the way to be. 

Maybe I’m the only one who talks the crap out of every decision I make or worries what others will think. But I’m betting a lot of y’all mamas doubt yourselves. Maybe my friend needs to hold a seminar. Just think, if we had the courage to be disliked we could use the time we waste on worrying what others think to chase those big dreams I know we all have. So, mamas, raise a glass to the haters and let’s just all start trying to live well.