Editor’s note: The author, Brooke McIntosh Crump, is a working mom in Mt. Gilead.

Work/life balance is not a new concept and it is one that many struggle with. It’s not a problem exclusive to moms; dads also struggle with leaving work at the office. As much as she would hate me for saying this, I’ve always somewhat envied my mom, who works in a factory, because she’s not expected to bring work home with her. But for me, it’s not necessarily the work that I bring home with me that’s the problem, it’s my inability to disconnect mentally and emotionally from my work. Even on the nights that I don’t pull out my laptop or make work-related calls, it’s tough to stop thinking about my work. As an attorney, it’s obvious that my work comes with pressure, but I felt the same when holding jobs in other professions.

I strive to have quality family time and create long-lasting memories for my kids. But I won’t lie and say that I don’t come home from work most nights hyped up about something that happened at work. This is true for both good days and bad, and it’s rare for a night to go by without me speaking to a colleague about work-related matters. Again, this is not a new concept and I’m probably not saying anything that you haven’t heard before. But for me, the problem is that it’s difficult for me to leave my emotional connection to my work at the office and make myself emotionally available to my family.

I’ve never had a romantic affair (you’re welcome, Matt) but I can imagine that those who have had an affair feel emotionally torn between their two lovers. When I get home, I want to be fully present, but those nagging thoughts are always creeping in. And for me, it’s not the good ones. Even when I’ve truly knocked it out of the park at work that day, I will most certainly need to rehash that with someone and prepare for my next move. But when I’ve had a bad day, it takes hours for me to release that negative energy (I’m not sure that I ever really do), which basically causes me to be completely emotionally unavailable for my family. Meanwhile, my 4-year-old wants to sing “Baby Shark” together or for me to help him set up a train track. And even if I go through those motions, I’m checked out.

I could be alone in these sentiments but I bet there are others who can’t shake their work, either. But what if part of the problem is with our work itself? The times that I’ve been unable to disengage from my work at home are the days that someone has treated me poorly. Why are we so mean to each other at work? I’m just as guilty as the next: I talk to customer service agents in a way that would make a well-seasoned sailor blush, and I’ve had coworkers treat me so unkindly that I’ve honestly run into the bathroom and burst into tears. When that happens, it’s tough to shake those feelings and go home to bond with my child and provide him with the enriching evening he deserves. Maybe it’s just me and maybe I need a therapist – but again, that would take more time away from my family. But I know other moms who have been upset after a bad day of work.

A sweet friend of mine said that her grandmother once told her that when disciplining children, her first thought should be to make sure she’s not actually upset about something else. Which brings up the added layer of how our emotions affect discipline in our child-rearing. When we’re mad because of something that happened at work, we have much less patience for, say, the speed at which our kid is putting on his shoes in the morning.

I once had a professor whose mantra was intentionality in all that she does. My hope is that I can work toward being someone who is intentional in both my work and my parenting. Unfortunately, I think that I might have to first get a grasp on my emotions. Although my current coping mechanism of having a glass of wine with my BFF helps, my goal is to eventually be intentional with my emotions as well.

Tonight, I will probably have that glass of wine and whine about how a colleague seemed upset with me for a reason unbeknownst to me, but maybe one day I can shake it off and sing “Baby Shark” at the top of my lungs without a professional care in the world.