Editor’s note: The author, Brooke McIntosh Crump, is a working mom in Mt. Gilead.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I struggle with boundaries. When it comes to the #momguilt we all know and love, I’ve been wondering how much time I should allocate toward all of my mom duties. I don’t believe it’s controversial to say that a well-rounded life is a good life, for both ourselves and our children. Life isn’t meant to be all work and no play. When it comes to food, I think most people enjoy at least the occasional indulgence – 80/20 is the recommended diet, right? Having hobbies is generally encouraged, and when it comes to mom life, most enjoy some sort of child-free time or “date night,” as the cool kids say. But as a mom and as a person, I struggle with the guilt of knowing if I’ve set the right boundaries or drawn the line in all of the right places.
At the end of each day, I usually feel I haven’t spent enough quality, uninterrupted, one-on-one time as a mom. I’ll often stare at my little one for a few minutes, just trying to soak him up in that moment, at his present age. I guilt myself for not spending enough time teaching and interacting as a mom … but then I’ll convince myself that I most likely spend as much time as any other working mom.
What schedule do the experts recommend for us working moms? I imagine there’s a good one out there somewhere in internet land, but I don’t really have time to find it and I can imagine that no two experts agree. We know that we should spend, on average, eight hours a day sleeping – but no two doctors can agree on that, either. We know that we’re supposed to eat three meals a day – but don’t ask an expert about that, either, because no one, and I mean no one, can agree on what our eating should really look like. Did y’all hear that the experts can no longer agree on eggs? I read that they may be bad again.
Most people would tell you that anything in moderation is fine. Am I the only person who has a hard time understanding “moderation”? In my job as a lawyer, I was recently seeking custody for a client and I asked him if the other parent had a sufficient amount of food in the home. He said he had a hard time knowing what constitutes “enough” because he lets his kids eat freely. I agree. I’m just winging it in the grocery store. Sometimes we have way too much food and sometimes I’ll go a week without milk in the fridge. My kid has been learning about healthy foods vs. unhealthy foods in his pre-K class and he has become quite the food shamer. I recently told him he could have a muffin for breakfast and he hollered, “I want something healthy! Fruits and vegetables, please!” Apparently my 4-year-old and I don’t agree on moderation.
And it’s not just food and sleep. Does anyone know how many frikkin’ towels we’re supposed to actually own? And no two towels are created equal – there’s fancy towels, fancy guest towels, towels for wiping up spilled milk, etc.
Is it OK if I work more than eight hours a day? And when it comes to disciplining our children, how much is too much? In court, I recently asked, “Where do we draw the line?” Our kids have to have some consequences for their actions, but at what point will someone contact DSS? Also, am I allowed to take a frikkin’ nap? At what point will others start shaming me for momming, working and blogging?
Maybe I worry too much about what others think. But I bet I’m not alone in wondering what the optimal schedule would be for both myself and my family. If you know, feel free to share it with me. And if you find out how many towels we’re supposed to own or if eggs are are OK again, feel free to share that with us, too. Inquiring minds want to know.