The author, Andell McCoy, is a teacher, life coach and expressive artist. As an introduction to this week’s column, she writes: “With the world full of turmoil, how do we react to events in our life? I recommend pausing before acting rashly and making a conscious effort to find positivity in the moment. Being purposeful and positive in our responses helps our own mental health and has a positive impact on others around us.“
Beginning now, again and again, over and over, I remind myself of things that are to be done, the “want-tos,” “have-tos” and “should-dos.” How important are they and our attitudes about them in the big picture, meaning and purpose of our lives? Are they a source of frustration or motivation, disconnect or connection with ourselves, others and the world? Things to keep us mindless, distracted and busy, or really important things that challenge and grow us, inspire and support creativity, community, comfort, help and healing?
Perhaps in these moments we cannot know how far reaching the positive or negative consequences of our decisions may be. Our energies are involved daily in countless activities; some can be finished quickly without procrastination, others are the never-ending dreams of somehow, somewhere, someday …
How do we choose to spend our time, our minutes, our moments? In grievance, regrets, despair, anger and hostility, or in optimism, joy, purpose and possibility?
More awareness: One step at a time, a smile, kind word, act of service, card, letter, phone call, peace offering, walk, sit in the sun, a glass of water, a great night’s sleep or an appreciation of the sun, moon, stars and the sky. A celebration of life and living or the condemnation of it?
We can be lifted by choosing more positive/less negative responses to whatever obstacles we are facing if only we appreciate that things can always be worse or better. Our lives are very much the reflection of our choosing; if not the event or circumstance, our response to it. If we want more fulfillment and happiness, our first line of defense may be the examination and reflection of our inner selves. Our thinking helps to create and color our feelings, our vision, even our actions.
We are powerful, created in the image of God. Our power is in the choosing! Try testing the theory that we can be our own greatest friend or our own worst enemy. Loving and forgiving ourselves and others causes profound shifting in the universe.
When we are frustrated, annoyed or lost in the moments of our lives, we may pray, seek help and guidance from friends, family, our higher power sources or turn to the less healthy options of bad behavior, sex, drugs, alcohol and violence, depending on the day, time or intensity. I offer a simple tool that I have used to help people of all ages and mental states –
a stoplight exercise:
Red: Stop everything, see yourself and others, the behaviors and interactions. Take a deep breath and step outside the experience. Watch it like television; your part and the participation of others. Be fully present, aware and more still, if it is safe.
Yellow: Reflect. What does this mean? Is it necessary, important, positive, productive? Deep breath. Am I injuring myself or someone else? What is my goal; will this accomplish it? Prepare to proceed with caution. Mirror yourself and the other by acknowledging the current state of affairs and reflecting internally and/or externally, if safe.
Green: Proceed, if possible being less critical, annoyed, angry, more sensitive, positive and kind. Continue to breathe through the experience of the discomfort to being less emotionally reactive and more in control of yourself and the situation.
Use the engagement of your five senses (your emotional intelligence). Continual practice makes it more natural and easier over time. Check out “skills for emotional intelligence” on the internet.